Tropic Thunder -2008- -unrated Director--s Cut-... Today

We are on a . The entire jungle was a set. The cast is standing around, exhausted. Kirk Lazarus is out of character, talking to a therapist (played by Paul Thomas Anderson , uncredited). Tugg Speedman is crying into a Booty Sweat can.

We open not in Vietnam, but at a Tobey Maguire-era Spider-Man 3 press junket, 2007. A nervous Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr., still as the “Australian method actor”) is asked about his controversial “pigmentation alteration” for an upcoming war film. Before he can answer, the screen glitches. A distorted voice— “The director’s cut is not for you. It’s for the people they left behind.” —throws us into a VHS-quality audition tape.

“Great news, you talentless wonders. The director’s cut just streamed 40 million minutes. They want a sequel. And this time…” He grins. “We’re shooting in .” Tropic Thunder -2008- -Unrated Director--s Cut-...

“They forgot me here. The director’s cut never ends. Send… craft services…”

No animals were harmed. Several actors’ egos were. This film is dedicated to the real simple jacks of Hollywood: the script supervisors. We are on a

We hear clapperboards. Lights turn on.

Then Les Grossman walks in. He holds up a phone. Kirk Lazarus is out of character, talking to

A door slams. A lock turns. The screen goes to static.