(muttering) She’s so dramatic.
(A scroll flies in from nowhere, bonks Finn on the head, and unfurls.)
(appears from a pocket dimension mattress) You okay, bro? I just got a free foot massage from a pillow person.
(counting) 998… 999… 1000! Mathematical! Gotta stay sharp, Jake. Adventure doesn't wait for flabby heroes.
I got assigned to “Professional Napper (Consultant).” They pay me to test mattresses. This is the best day ever.
(Beat. Finn’s eye twitches.)
(sitting on a rotten log, defeated) This isn’t heroic. This is just… gross.
…Yeah, probably.
How is any of this adventure? I’m not saving anyone. I’m just moving garbage.
(Jake stretches his ear into a telephone receiver, then his mouth into a speaker.)
Hmm. Sounds like someone needs a visit to…
(belches a small rainbow) Adventure literally waited for you yesterday. The Door Lord rescheduled to Thursday.
PB, I’m an adventurer. My job is out there! (points to woods) Fighting, questing, saving people!
NO ONE TURNED THE SOUTH PILE FOR THREE DAYS. PREPARE FOR FERMENTATION JUDGMENT.